The Dance Of The Divine Feminine And Divine Masculine
Why it matters for twin flame union
Perhaps you’ve seen them—the gorgeous, dancing tango couple—gliding, dipping, and flicking across the dance floor. Their movement is dynamic, intimate, and often surprising. There’s a push and pull of control as their confident bodies take turns enticing, challenging, and seducing each other.
The dance of the Twin Flame relationship is no different.
For the sake of clarity with the language of the dance and relating it to Twin Flames—I will refer to these parts as Masculine (lead/he) and Feminine (follow/she)—although any gender can play any part and, despite the heteronormative sound, it can play out it same sex couples.
There’s a Masculine Twin Flame and a Feminine Twin Flame, and just like a successful tango, both need to be in their divine essence in order for the partnership to come into union.
I spent most of my career as a professional dancer and choreographer—and the past three years as a Depth Psychologist who dove deep into Twin Flame studies.
Somehow understanding Twin Flames through dance brought something important into focus. I chose tango as my example, because, like Twin Flame relationships, it’s the most passionate and one of the hardest to perfect.
I am what is referred to as a Divine Feminine. And, like all you other Divine Feminine’s out there, I awoke to this deep soul connection with my Twin Flame first and pursued the relationship—big time.
Here’s the rub—just like in a tango—the Feminine partner should not be the one leading.
Why, you ask? Why shouldn’t the Divine Feminine be able to lead? What if the Feminine knows the perfect direction for this relationship? Why can’t it work if the Masculine follows?
I hear you. I asked all these same questions myself and here’s what I found:
1. The Law of Polarity
Let’s start with the Law of the Polarity. We live in a universe of opposites and duality. Up and down. Positive and negative. Day and night. Shadow and light. Lead and follow. As Sir Isaac Newton states, “When two bodies interact, they apply forces to one another that are equal in magnitude and opposite in direction.”
These opposites create the wholeness of the universe.
These opposites are also what create a dynamic tango. The tension held between the lead and the follow is what brings the dance to wholeness.
Twin Flames are the same soul. When they split in two, they are divided into two energies. Positive and negative. Or Feminine and masculine. And as the Twin Flame and spiritual leader Elizabeth Clare Prophet teaches us: “Created in a single fiery void, they were separated into two spheres of being—one in a masculine polarity and the other in a feminine polarity—but each with the same pattern of divine identity.”
The Universe is all energy. Therefore, because Twin Flames carry the opposite polarity/energy, they can only come back to union when they both fully embody their Divine Masculine or Feminine energy. Like a battery, there can only be ignition if there is a positive and a negative. If one or the other is in their wounded polarity, they will repel each other.
The first step on the Twin Flame journey is to know which polarity/energy you embody and then to live that polarity to its divine fullest.
2. Divine Feminine vs Divine Masculine
Let’s take a look at the attributes of the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine through the construct and lens of tango where there is a lead and a follow.
No dance experience is necessary to understand this as we all dance through life.
Until we master our Divine Selves, we carry a little bit of every category. Notice where you recognize yourself in various characteristics.
Divine Masculine — Skilled Lead
- Knows which direction to go
- Has inner power
- Great leadership
Wounded Masculine — Unskilled Lead
- Uncertain about which direction to go
- Trapped in their head and thoughts
Divine Feminine — Skilled Follow
- Able to change directions—in the flow
- Secure with themselves
Wounded Feminine — Unskilled Follow
- Fearful/tries to gain control
- Feels stuck
- Overly emotional/victim mentality
The Divine Masculine
The Divine Masculine leads with confidence and skill. Because he’s secure in himself, he does not lead with aggression or domination. He listens to his partner’s body language and aims to please her and make her feel safe. His focus is on her. He doesn’t need to rush. He has a plan and he’s clear about which direction to go. He’s supportive and loving.
He’s the energy of the sun. Powerful and sustaining.
The Divine Feminine
The Divine Feminine Is confident and patient. She’s at home in her body. She’s able to receive the cues from her partner by listening with her body and her intuition. Through her creativity she’s able to be in the flow and doesn’t resist change. Her strength and power come from her self-knowing. Because she trusts in divine timing, she lives fully in the moment and in the rhythm of the partnership.
She’s the energy of the moon, becoming even more magnetic and beautiful as she’s illuminated by the light of his sun.
As we look at these characteristics, we can see how the Feminine shouldn’t be the one to “lead.” However, that doesn’t mean she isn’t it control.
We mustn’t be swayed by the words. What I do know from years spent as a dancer in both the lead and follow roles is that the “follow” is actually in the power position. The “lead” is tuning into her energy and gauging every subtle weight shift. And she’s listening and receiving his cues through her body and expressing herself in return. Her reaction informs his next move and her creativity seduces and unleashes his passion. Her intuition and flowing energy is intoxicating to the “lead” and he’ll want to show off for her and please her.
She’s actually the one in control.
Let’s look at what happens when a skilled (Divine) dancer dances with an unskilled (Wounded) dancer.
Divine Masculine and Wounded Feminine
As the skilled lead dances with the unskilled follow, he’ll soon realize that she’s not in tune with his dance cues and can’t read his dance language. Therefore, he’ll have to compensate to take care of her. He’ll make adjustments and do her work for her. The dance partnership becomes codependent. She’s reliant on him and can’t do the dance without him. Therefore, he has all the control and she becomes his puppet. The dance lacks any intimacy and sexuality. It turns into a parent/child and/or teacher/student relationship.
When you watch a dynamic tango—or any other social dance—the job of the lead is to support his follow and make her shine. It’s all about her. He informs the audience to watch her as his gaze/energy never leaves her throughout the dance. She gets lifted into the air—or extends her leg—or dips her back into a glorious arch. She may look to the side or even away, but his eyes/energy remains on her. The lead is showing her off.
However, when she’s in a wounded space, she won’t feel safe enough to take her eyes off him. She’ll energetically latch on to him in full dependency. And the dance will lack any excitement or fire.
Divine Feminine and Wounded Masculine
When the skilled follow is partnered with an unskilled lead, the follow will have to compensate and covertly lead. If she fully takes over the lead, she risks depriving the lead of his identity. So, in order to avoid this, she has to compensate and lead from a passive place of being the follow. She’ll act as though she needs the lead even though she’s doing everything on her own.
We’ve all seen the sexy dip where the woman fully releases back in as vulnerable a position as can be—as the man holds her and never takes his eyes off of her. However, if the lead is unskilled—the woman will not be able to let go fully. She’ll have to hold herself up—although it looks like he’s doing the work. She doesn’t feel safe and he’s given the message that it’s acceptable if he isn’t skilled because she’ll make up for his inadequacies.
If she tries to take over the lead and change the rules to make up for his lack of experience, he’ll push back because he won’t know how to follow. This will appear as defensive or hostile as he tries to regain control.
Wounded Feminine and Wounded Masculine
With both partners unskilled—there can be no dance.
Both will feel unsafe. Both will feel lost. Both will feel insecure and frustrated. And chances are, they’ll blame each other. No one is leading and no one is following and therefore no one will know how to listen to the other.
In a relationship, their Twin Flame nature might continue to draw them together over and over but unless they do the work of becoming the fullest expression of their Divine Selves, it won’t work.
3. Divine Twin Flame Union
I know you probably know this, but a successful leader is also a successful follower and vice-versa. The same is true on the dance floor.
If you watch an experienced tango couple dance, after a while it’ll be hard to tell who’s actually leading. And it’s this tension of opposites that creates the seduction and the fire and ignites the dance to be compelling and intoxicating.
What happens after both partners are skilled enough to hold their own is that they begin to dance from their soul. The steps and their bodies intuitively know what to do. They can let go of control and let a higher power dance through them.
For all of you Divine Feminine Twin Flames out there—our work is to avoid going after our Twin Flame. Our work is to heal our own wounds and our own shadows. The more we heal and clear, the more we’ll step into our Divine Essence and the more our Twin will naturally be drawn to us. It is the law of polarity. It is the law of the universe.
And since the Divine Feminine characteristics are patience and trust in divine timing—we don’t need to worry about when the union will happen. It will.
And if you’re struggling to come into union with your Divine Partner, I suggest taking tango lessons. Not only is it a wonderful way to become embodied and tap into your sensuality, it’s an experiential way to understand the dynamics of a successful partnership.
Michele Lynch (she/her) is a Mind/Body Healing Coach. She specializes in the healing arts and working with dreams/nightmares, grief, inner child-work, twin flame transformation, self-love, and living a life of purpose. Her holistic approach incorporates psychology, spirituality, creativity, energy, and somatics in all of her sessions. Michele has an MA in Depth Psychology/Somatic Studies from Pacifica Graduate Institute, and spent 30 years as a professional dancer and choreographer. Learn more at michelelynchhealing.com.